Wake Up!

I have been feeling the desire to write for some time now. This happens and that happens and I think to myself, I should be doing something with this. This should be out loud and to the Universe.

The catalyst to set finger to key and upload to a blog finally came about 4 days ago. Early, early in the morning.

I woke up on this particular day, and turned towards Mark who was still asleep. I noticed right away how still he was. And quiet. As I lay there, watching him sleep, it began to sink in that he was more than just still, he was not moving. I exhaled my breath and held it, trying to detect some small quiver of the covers, and felt strangely afraid. I sat up part way and tried to see his face and strained to hear his breath. He was lying on his stomach, his face turned towards me, mostly buried in the pillow and dark in shadow. He was cocooned in the comforter so that I could see only his hair and cheek. I didn't want to wake him, but he was so still. I just wanted him to move, just a little bit. I thought to myself, I can lean over and kiss him softly, and hear his breath and then get up and start my day. If he wakes up, it will just be me kissing him good morning, no harm in that.



He was both warm and chill under the comforter as I kissed his forehead, his skin and hair damp. Fear began to rise as I softly called his name. He did not respond and he was still not moving. I nudged his shoulder and said his name again, nothing. I shook him harder and called his name more loudly, Mark! I tried to roll him over, Mark! I screamed, Mark! . . . and he sleepily opened his eyes and smiled.

I don't feel the same since that morning. Was he really playing a trick? It was all so real.

A sip of tea and the sickness subsides. Something has shifted inside of me. Something has shifted and I am to change.