Belladonna Deepdelver

சும்மேர்டிமே Again

2008-07-07T20:13:00.000-07:00

லூக் லைக் திஸ் ப்லோக் காட் ச்விட்சேது டு ஹிந்தி டூ?

Sonific Music Player

2007-11-09T14:34:00.000-08:00

I confess . . . I put the autoplay music onto this blog. I was actually over at WordPress checking out new widgets, and the possible hope of one that would finally accept java. No dice on that yet, but I did see a new, 'approved', Sonific widget. Not having a clue what Sonific did, I naturally clicked on their icon and went to their site.

Ahhh, music players that look like funky iPods . . . a chance for a prank! I'm mocking up a new blog for a 'thinks he might like to' and this guy is just so serious. A blasting iPod on the demo was just the touch I was looking for. A real Ice-Breaker . . .

I wasn't going to do it, but Sonific has Chinese. Chinese Flute, Chinese Orchestral Hits, (voice goes low and husky) Mongolian Prairie Music.

So, here you have it, the dreaded music on the site, waking up as the page loads, keeping you company while you look at the pics, and peruse the text.

What don't I like about Sonific? The size of their widget. It is too big. And it moves. Moving stuff in the side-bar makes my eyes wobble. Aside from that, I hope their model works for them and they can stay around for a bit :>

BarbaraJames.Wordpress.com

2007-10-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

I have two blogs, one here with google, and one over at Wordpress. I need to know about both as the clients I work for become increasingly interested in life on the net. It turns out I am writing more for the wordpress blog, and putting up pics for family and friends on the google blog. I like both, I like the template I got at Wordpress better. I recommend the google blogs to people who are using a blog for the first time, I think their set-up is slightly easier to figure out.

So, in essence, this is a practice blog, hence the Donate button and the Opt-In email box.

Now I am fired to learn more about creating my own skins and have signed up at the local High School to learn how to read and use CSS.

Thanks for stopping by, and if you are my mom, leave a comment for peet's sake ;D)

3 Things About Me

2007-09-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

1. I am a passionate photographer and love to shoot people in candid (and always with love) group situations. Then I combine the shots into a slide show with the 'right' music and wonder if others can see what I see. One of my Goals is to get my personal website back up and going again so I can share my slide shows and film clips. I use digital now, and don't think I can ever go back to film. Another Goal is to pass along my A-1's to the Art Institute in the City. I am not using them, and the foam inside the mirror housing will start to go soon. Best the camera's get used.

2. Clairfontaine spiral bound notebooks, (16.5 x 21 cm, with the Forest motif covers to be exact) are what I use for keeping track of hours and jobs. I always have one or two with me, along with clear plastic mechanical pencils with an .5 lead in pretty colors. I wrote the original 15 Things About Me list with this combo, wondering how I would like it compared to keyboarding which is my usual way of writing. And it turns out longhand still works for me when I am free-range thinking. Writing out the ideas by hand was faster because even though I might erase a word or two, there was no urge to go back and rewrite before the sentence was done, thereby losing the thread. Keyboarding offers the features I need for moving ideas around and padding out the concepts. The pencil gets it down, the keyboard gives it shape.

3. I converted to macs about the same time I started selling on eBay/using the Internet. Occasionally I will have to use a Windows machine on a job. I just dread it each and every time. While both systems navigate in a similar way, I can pretty much count on the Windows OS letting me down at some crucial point. Things don't crash with Windows like they used to, but they never really all work either. I remember meeting a woman who had just sold her mac so she could buy a Windows machine in order to sell on eBay. Poor thing. eBay is mean streets for Windows users. On a brighter note, I appreciate mac visuals. Apple's products are just so much more fun to look at and to work with ;D

Marin on Sunday - The Farmer's Market

2007-09-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

Most Sundays we head down the hill and into San Rafael for the Marin Farmer's Market. I added this shot to google Earth.

We have been buying Nectarines by the box load. $20 buys a weeks worth of Nectarines.

The dark red heirloom tomatoes with dark green tops are the best this year. But who can resist yellow with red stripes?

What I Really Like To Do

2007-08-31T20:06:00.000-07:00

This pic was taken with my Nikon S4 digital. A good, all purpose camera that allows me to shoot from the waist, or the table. It gets better candid, unguarded shots. With the lens on the side, instead of the face, most people don't get that it is pointing at them.

This beautiful, passionate swirl of color is the heart of a Begonia. Even though I shot it late in the afternoon, and in the shade, the petals are hot and radiating like crazy. Digital goes to pieces everytime trying to capture the energy of the red. Same with red roses. Instead of a soft, velvety petal, we see swirling waves of heat. But that doesn't stop me ;D))

The Shift

2007-08-29T00:33:00.001-07:00

Waking up that morning, when Mark didn't move, was a shift. I haven't really been the same since. That overwhelming fear knocked something loose, something that has been stuck for some time now.

And I keep asking myself, why the fear, why not overwhelming grief?
What kind of life have I created with this man that fills me with fear at the thought of having to face it alone?

I have been toying with blaming Motivation (or lack of to be specific). I don't easily tap self-motivation. A lot of shame there for sure. But Motivation just isn't the answer.

Everybody talks about Motivation like it is the Grail. I suspect it is more closely related to Thin. Thin and Motivated, who isn't seeking at least one.

Maybe I'm not really looking for Motivation. Maybe I am more worried about Productivity. I was reading the 4 hour work week blog and he talked about finding your best time to produce. This guy works, he says, best between midnight and morning.

So if I can find my best time, and the Discipline to keep it, maybe I won't need Motivation. Cripes. Typing in small boxes does not work for me. I am all over the place here cause I can't see the last paragraph I wrote, just what is here and now . . .

I'll be back :>

Colorado Daisy

2007-07-27T23:30:00.001-07:00

Jane grew this daisy in her Colorado home. I think this daisy was a couple of years before her memory seeped away. Jane loved pranks, which may explain her son's behaviors. Jane and her husband pranked each other all the time and thought it was a 'scream'. In my family, pranks could put one's life in peril.

Moonrise Over Alcatraz

2007-07-27T23:19:00.000-07:00

The original post here about Revenge had to go. It was cute, but it just wasn't true. Well, the part about revenge just never quite working out the way I planned/hoped/expected was true enough. I have tried it a few times and it was never anything more than a huge let-down. So, that post is gone. I don't 'do' revenge and I will never know if my Markie was dead/dead asleep, or woke up in time to start breathing again and give me a bit of a rise at the same time. It doesn't matter. What matters is it was an eye-opening fright that I gave myself. And the reason that I was so frightened absolutely appalls me. Apalls me enough that I know it is time for an attitude change at the very least. Oh lordy, it is so time for something different, something less afraid, something better to come home to :>

Wake Up!

2007-07-26T18:35:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling the desire to write for some time now. This happens and that happens and I think to myself, I should be doing something with this. This should be out loud and to the Universe.

The catalyst to set finger to key and upload to a blog finally came about 4 days ago. Early, early in the morning.

I woke up on this particular day, and turned towards Mark who was still asleep. I noticed right away how still he was. And quiet. As I lay there, watching him sleep, it began to sink in that he was more than just still, he was not moving. I exhaled my breath and held it, trying to detect some small quiver of the covers, and felt strangely afraid. I sat up part way and tried to see his face and strained to hear his breath. He was lying on his stomach, his face turned towards me, mostly buried in the pillow and dark in shadow. He was cocooned in the comforter so that I could see only his hair and cheek. I didn't want to wake him, but he was so still. I just wanted him to move, just a little bit. I thought to myself, I can lean over and kiss him softly, and hear his breath and then get up and start my day. If he wakes up, it will just be me kissing him good morning, no harm in that.

He was both warm and chill under the comforter as I kissed his forehead, his skin and hair damp. Fear began to rise as I softly called his name. He did not respond and he was still not moving. I nudged his shoulder and said his name again, nothing. I shook him harder and called his name more loudly, Mark! I tried to roll him over, Mark! I screamed, Mark! . . . and he sleepily opened his eyes and smiled.

I don't feel the same since that morning. Was he really playing a trick? It was all so real.

A sip of tea and the sickness subsides. Something has shifted inside of me. Something has shifted and I am to change.